There’s this quote that my mom always used to tell me to cheer me up when others had let me down and it goes like this:
You can’t change other people Shelby, you can only change yourself.
Recently, I’ve started thinking back to when she used to say that to me and more and more I have come to realize its relevance in my life today. I’ve made countless posts on here about how kindhearted of a person I am, how I would do anything for anyone that I care about, how I put others before myself and all that so I’m not going to go into depth in that nature. I know my worth and I know how special I am, plain and simple.
But what has really been getting to me lately is how others seem to fall short of my expectations and how no matter how hard I try to be a strong, understanding, caring and supportive person, that no one’s ambition and drive to do that seems to match mine.
I like to think of myself as someone that fully invests herself in her relationships with others around her. The idea of going through life pushing people away is one that makes me extremely uncomfortable as I want to live a life full of love and cherishing those around me. But this is what brings me to the main point of this entire post.
Just because I want to live my life this way doesn’t mean that others want to as well and I’m having an extremely hard time accepting that.
You can only do so much to be a strong and open person but if others don’t want to meet you halfway and make you feel the same, there’s really nothing you can do. And to be honest, this is where I find myself being constantly let down and feeling as though I’m not good enough.
I mean it seems as though its common sense right? You care about someone so you let them know and make them feel special as a result. But, you can’t force others to do this either. Ultimately, they have to want to. It shouldn’t be a chore. It shouldn’t pain someone to express to people they care about that they do. It shouldn’t be something that is forced.
With growing up and learning to be on my own, I have come to many realizations about the type of person I am and the type of people I want to have around me. I know what I want and I know what I don’t want. I know that with the amount of love and support I give to those around me, I absolutely know for a fact that I deserve that back. I deserve people that want to make me feel the same way I strive to do for them. I also know that I deserve respect and to be treated as an equal and that my feelings matter just as much as anyone else’s. I have to come to realize that I have to learn to not trust everyone with my heart as most will drop it, even if they say they won’t. And lastly, I know that no matter how hard I try,
I can only do so much.