I’ve had some trouble recently coming up with what I wanted to title this post, how I wanted it to begin, what I wanted to talk about and what I wanted to get out of it as a result. My writing is a sort of therapy for myself, something I turn to when I feel I have no where else to go. It gives me a sense of security and by being able to physically type out and see my thoughts, I find myself more at peace with where I’m at and where I’m going.
I think that’s why it’s taken me so long to start writing again after I moved back to school. This past month or so has been accompanied by so many changes that I’m struggling to hold on and find stability. I’m not the type of person that does well with change, especially when it’s out of my control. Being someone that invests herself into most friendships and relationships so deeply, I struggle immensely with letting go and realizing that some things just aren’t meant to be.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I have come a long way with being able to accept things for the way they are and not forcing it if it doesn’t feel right. However, this doesn’t mean I can completely change who I am and teach myself to basically not give a f***. There’s this balance that I have found myself reaching between giving everyone my all and keeping it all to myself. This realization has come from a strength I have found in myself and being able to recognize those who are genuine and those who say they care about you, but really don’t.
Let’s rewind for a split second back to those good ole high school days. Three years ago at about this time, I was just at the beginning of my senior year in high school, just figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. Never, and I mean n e v e r, did I picture myself where I am today, doing what I’m doing now. And I know that sounds so cliché and everyone says that, but you don’t really understand just how true it is until you’re living it. I kinda let everyone walk all over me in high school, took a lot of people’s crap and was a people-pleaser. I always put others before myself and rarely focused on me, something that others could take full advantage of.
But looking back now and being able to realize that this would occur as well as being able to learn from it and grow has brought me more strength than you could have ever imagined. I think there is something so powerful in being able to take a negative in your life, understand why it is happening/happened, learn from it and move on, all while bettering yourself in the process.
I tend to ere on the more religious side (as I also recognize not everyone has faith) when it comes to these pivotal moments in my life and question what He is trying to teach me in the moment. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and whether or not you believe, everyone has a path in life. I’ve slowly learned to not fight back against change and to rather accept it for what it is, learn why it’s happening and move forward with peace knowing that something better is coming my way.
This, my friend, is the epitome of strength.
Being able to recognize who you are as a person and turn something that is a negative into a positive and learning experience is one of the most rewarding things I have ever experienced, and will continue to experience and learn from for the rest of my life.
I know this post was kinda all over the place and I’ve been trying my best to organize my thoughts these past couple months so thanks for (somewhat) bearing with me. I’m hoping to get back into posting and writing as often as I can (even though I already do my fair share of writing in my SIX credit journalism class) because it’s a way for me to explore what I’m thinking and exercise the way I’m feeling to others in the hopes it will positively influence someone else. And to be honest, I just MISS it. So I’ll be back more often, just you wait 🙂